


It’ll be okay

by orphan_account



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Angst with a (semi) happy ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, I cried while writing this, Self Harm, melog is therapy cat, my babies don’t deserve this, tw self harm, we stan therapy in this house, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24356458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: catra blames herself for everything, and she can’t help but feel hopeless and sad and unbelievably guilty. Melog The Therapy Cat intervenes though, and Adora snaps her out of it before it’s too late. TW: self harm and self-deprecating thoughts.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Kudos: 200





	It’ll be okay

**Author's Note:**

> tw: self harm, self-deprecating thoughts  
> I have a love/hate relationship with this fic.

Catra purred softly as Adora stroked the short hair on her head. The meeting of all of the princesses was mostly going smoothly. A few of the princesses had been opposed to Catra being there, but Adora had convinced them. 

Catra hadn’t been listening for a good half-hour, half-asleep nearly the entire time. she decided that she should probably do that, since she was supposed to be there for a reason. 

“—Fright Zone. Scorpia is going to need a lot of help rebuilding and healing,” Adora said from behind her. Catra had deemed that her own chair wasn’t necessary, and had plopped herself in Adora’s lap.

Guilt shot through her. _My fault_. The rumbling in her throat stopped abruptly as she dug her nails into her palms. 

All of the other princesses nodded, and Catra could see Adora giving her a confused look. Melog appeared next to them, and a couple of the princesses jumped. Catra didn’t reach down to pet it, though. She just let her claws dig deeper into her palms. _I deserve so much worse pain than this._

Melog glared at her and meowed, _Quit doing that. You’re making it reek of hate in here._

Catra ignored it, just listened to the princesses’ conversation.

“We need to fix everything Ca- they destroyed,” Perfuma said sweetly. Adora glanced down at her concernedly. 

Catra wrapped her tail around herself and dug those nails deeper, wanting to break that skin, to bleed, to have some way to get out of here and just rip herself to shreds. 

Melog meowed at her again. _Stop it._

Catra hissed at it softly this time. _You stop_.

Some part of her reminded her that Adora would be sad or angry if she hurt herself, but she didn’t care. She just sunk those nails in deeper. She could feel the dents in her skin, now. It hurt. 

“Where should we start?” Scorpia asked. “There’s… a lot of ground to cover.” 

_Because of me. This is all because of me._ She could feel her nails puncture her skin as she squeezed harder. Warm, wet blood welled up where her nails poked, but she just pressed harder. _I deserve this._

Melog growled at her. _Stop._

Catra ignored it again, and she felt the blood run down to her wrists. She finally let go and almost cried out as she saw how much blood was swelling up. _Adora can’t see this._ She placed her palms downward on her thighs and bit her tongue as the skin stretched. _But I deserve this. I deserve so much worse than this._

“You okay?” Adora whispered to her. 

She just nodded subtly. _Gods, I need to get out of here before I start crying in front of these stupid princesses._ “Um… where’s the restroom.” 

“Once you leave, turn right, fourth door—“

“Great. Thanks.” She got up from Adora’s lap and made her way to the door.

Melog materialized in front of it. It sat down and meowed. _Don’t do this._

“Go away, Melog,” she told it grumpily, stepping around it and opening the doors. She shut them behind her and ran to her and Adora’s room, startling the guards outside. A sob escaped her lips as she found the small knife in the drawer next to their bed. She knew Adora kept it there because she was paranoid. _The promise,_ her mind urged. 

_That was years ago_ , she bit back. 

Melog appeared on the bed and hissed at her. _Catra. Stop._

“Leave me alone.” She went over to the bathroom, and put her wrist above the bathtub drain. She pulled up her sleeve with shaking hands and gulped as she pressed the knife against her skin. Where her scars still stood pale against her skin. Where she had cut herself years ago. The cold metal sliced shakily but deliberately. Catra bit back a pained yelp.

“Oh my gods, what am I doing?” she whispered. “Oh… oh gods.” She set the knife down on the bath top beside her and put her head in her bleeding hands. “I promised.” 

She heard a clatter beside her and jumped. She barely had time to see Melog disappear with the knife in its mouth. 

_Dammit. I needed that._

—

Catra had been gone for over fifteen minutes, and Adora was starting to get worried. She tried to focus on the meeting in front of her, but… oh, who was she kidding, Catra probably just couldn’t find the bathroom. There was no reason to worry, right? 

As true as it was, that didn’t help quell the feeling in her stomach that something was wrong. That she should go to Catra and make sure that she was okay.

She jumped as a _clang_ resounded beside her, startling her out of her thoughts. She looked down to find Melog, with the knife she kept near her beside at its paws. Covered in blood. Her heart leapt into her throat, and thoughts raced through her head, one more prevalent than others. No… she had promised to never do that again. Not after Catra had caught Adora doing the very same thing, and had shown her her own fresh scars on her wrists. After she had helped Adora clean up her blood, because she was much more practiced at that. After they had made each other promise that they would _never_ do that again. Ever. It was nearly six years ago, but surely Catra couldn’t forget that promise? Surely she—

Adora grabbed onto Melog and gasped, “go.”

Melog and she materialized in her and Catra’s bathroom. Catra looked up from the bathtub, startled. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she… she had a small smear of blood on her cheek. Adora immediately glanced at her wrists and instantly froze. “Catra.” 

“I-I’m so sorry, I… I didn’t… I couldn’t…” Catra was sobbing and stuttering fragments that made no sense.

Adora ran to her side and hugged her. “Oh, Catra.”

“I’m so so so sorry,” she sobbed. “Please, _please_ don’t be mad at me.” 

Adora cried into her shoulder. “Catra, you _promised._ ”

“I know! I know. I’m s-so sorry, Adora,” she bawled.

Adora let go of her and held her hands out. Catra put her hands in Adora’s, and Adora examined them. 

“Why,” she asked. She let go of one hand to wipe away the tears that had streamed down her face. 

“B-because this is… it’s all my fault, Adora!” She cried. “Because if I had just gone with you at first, people wouldn’t be dead! People wouldn’t have lost family members and friends. I deserve so much worse than this, I deserve to lose everything. I… I don’t deserve to have a happy ending. I don’t deserve you. I deserve to—“ 

“Stop it,” Adora demanded, taking that hand again. “It doesn’t matter what you deserve, Catra. It’s what you have. So stop blaming everything on yourself. I know why you didn’t come with me, and you’ve told me _every fucking night_ that you regret that, and everything else. So just focus on what you have. Please.” 

“But…” Catra sobbed again, her tears soaking Adora’s shirt as she leaned into her shoulder. “But people are dead because of me. They’re dead because I was jealous. That’s not—“

“It’s not just because you were jealous, Catra! It’s because of Shadow Weaver! She manipulated and abused us for years, and I know that she made you feel like you were never enough.” 

“But I should have—“ 

“There is no _should have_ , Catra!” Adora cried. “You are here now, and that is enough! So… please. I love you, okay?” 

“I-I love you too,” Catra admitted, still sobbing against Adora. 

“We need to get you all cleaned up before that gets infected,” Adora whispered. 

“Can we do it later? I just… I want to hold you right now.”

Adora nodded. They sat on the floor and held each other for what seemed like hours before Catra said something. 

“Are they going to ask you what happened?” she mumbled into her shoulder.

“Yes.” 

“Do you have to tell them?” 

“No. I’ll tell them that they don’t need to know.” 

“What if they pester you?” 

“That’s alright. I won’t tell.”

Catra was silent.

Adora put her hands on Catra’s cheeks and gently pressed her forehead against Catra’s. “It’s okay. I never told them about my scars.” 

Catra blinked sleepily in response.

“Did you… did you ever do this when I was gone?” Adora asked hesitantly.

Catra took a deep breath and sighed. “I thought about it. A lot.” 

“But you never…” 

Catra shook her head. “Did you?”

“No, but I did think about it, too. I shouldn’t have left you.” 

Catra huffed. “I should have come with you.” 

“We both have things we regret,” Adora sighed. “But now we have each other, right?” 

Catra smiled a little, and let out an exhausted sigh.

“Can we go to bed? I’m tired.” 

Adora smiled softly. “We have to get you cleaned up first.” 

Catra sighed, but didn’t object, as Adora found a spare first aid kit and cleaned her cuts. The ones on her hands were going to heal especially slowly, but Catra didn’t care, she just wanted to sleep. Needed to sleep. 

After Adora was finished, she picked Catra up, much to her surprise, but not distaste, and carried her to the bed. 

“That’s going to come in handy later,” Catra joked quietly.

“What is?” Adora asked. 

“You can pick me up. I’m going to be using that next time I kiss you.” 

Adora blushed. “Go to sleep.” 

Catra huffed a small laugh. “Will you… will you stay?” 

“Of course.” Adora grabbed a pen and piece of paper and scribbled, _asleep, dont bother_ on it, then handed it to Melog. It disappeared as Adora snuggled into bed. It reappeared in its smaller form and jumped up on the bed. It curled into a ball near Catra’s head and meowed softly. Catra rolled her eyes. “Fuck off.” 

Adora laughed, but didn’t ask. “Thank you, Melog,” she whispered. 

“You’re going to give it a big head, Adora,” Catra complained jokingly. She kissed Adora’s forehead, then turned back around and curled into Adora.

Adora wrapped an arm around Catra, and reached the other one out to pet Melog. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Catra mumbled, and Adora closed her eyes.

They had so far to go before it was perfect. It would never _be_ perfect, because nothing ever was, but they would work through it. It would be okay, eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I hadn’t done this to them. I’m sorry.
> 
> Also: I know exactly how many warnings I put on this, and I’m not sorry


End file.
